Time to get real...

I'm always thinking that someday I'll be happy; when I get that car or that job or that person in my life that’ll fix everything. But happiness is a mood and it’s a condition, not a destination. It’s like being tired or hungry; it’s not permanent. It comes and goes but that’s okay. If I can begin to think of it that way, maybe I'd find happiness a lot more often.

My recognizing that happiness is a journey and not a destination is an ongoing battle for me. It partially relates to how I’m living life now and is an aspirational thought at the same time. It’s one I certainly have to go back to and remind myself of to have a mental check-in of sorts. I truly think it’s one of the best ideas out there and a great way to recognize and live life, but it simply does not fit in with my personality that wants to plan, categorize and comprehend the steps I’m taking in life everyday.

It’s the grander scheme where I have some trouble thinking of happiness as the journey. I have big plans for what I hope the rest of my life holds for me, but sometimes my future related personality is a curse here. I plan, I consider, I wonder…and sometimes instead of just enjoying things as they go, I’m caught wondering “Where is this all headed? What does it mean for me?” I can look at any part of my life and apply this really – whether it’s friendships, love or my career – in this grand scheme, I always relate happiness to the destination. I have hopes for my life to be successful, and though I think that hope is important, the end result shouldn’t be all I consider. One thought that always brings me back and reminds me to be okay with each moment and event as it is in my life right now and not rush things is - I have no idea how much life I have left. That’s obviously not the happiest thought to think (and I hope it’s a lot!). When it’s my time to go, I’m sure I’ll be more content if I can look back and say I enjoyed each of my experiences instead of trying to dig into each one’s meaning about how it might impact my life.

Happiness seems like this definitive idea of what I can or will have in the future once I attain short or long term goals. I’ve been lost so many times trying to figure out what would make me happy. Simplistic thoughts that are still prevalent today. That is how life has been. An uphill battle to find what will make me happy. What a joke, I realize now.

Life and happiness are not destinations. They are not goals to get through. Happiness, like any other emotion or need or want, is a state of mind. Reminding myself of what really matters, and looking at the bright side can prove what happiness feels like. Not that fuzzy glowing side that makes me wonder if I drank the kool-aid. Everyone out there is feeling down and sometimes their feeling under but at the end of the day we aren’t alone and what we do, who we are, and what little we think we have accomplished, is a treasure of accomplishments for others to emotionally crave.

There is no journey that leads to a destination without enjoying the moment. Deal or be dealed. The world is nobody's but mine and happiness is deep within my shadows.